Boys, Boys, Boys

I got to admit, I was boy crazy. You’ll here me name dropping guys here and there, but I think I really got explain each guy with an image so you can get a picture. Caleb was this guy I thought was cute in grade school before I left. When I came back, he grew at least two and half feet and had muscles and an intense gaze and soft looking blonde hair. His family owed a Dairy farm and were very rich. I think when I heard he was taking Debate, I took that class because of it, even if I’d fail.

Tuesday, October 30th, 2012 10:30pm “Shake it Out” -Florence & The Machine

So I guess I didn’t get the part. I didn’t get any  part. Maybe it was meant to be that way. I seriously think I like Caleb. But I don’t think he likes me. My cell phone broke. So yeah, I have to get a new one. This Thursday through Sunday I will be in Walla Walla, Washington for a debate tournament. We stay in a hotel for two nights! Last weekend I lost two and won two after I forgot my case! Saturday night was the Brescia’s Halloween party. It was fun even with my embarrassing parents. Tomorrow night is another party and Halloween! I have to exercise. Ugh. Nighty night!

So what I can remember from that Halloween was my dad catching his nuts on fire.

He was dressed as Reno 911 and he decided it would be a good idea to light firecrackers close to his bits. He lit it, and they went off, and then my mom and Mrs. Brescia said: “Bullseye! You’re on fire!” And he just replies behind his mustache and sunglasses and a beer in his hand, “I know I’m on Fire!” everyone shouts, “No! You’re really on fire!” and sure enough his polyester officer shorts were smoking. We got the fire out but that wasn’t the only event. Since Magic Mike was a huge event this past year, Danny and the Football team decided to dress up as “Sexy Fire fighters and Police Officers” because “if girls can dress sexy for Halloween, why can’t we?” And sure enough the moms and ladies were sitting in the living room when the boys burst in the living room with a boombox and they are all in their tight short uniforms. It was probably one of the most lit it’s been at the Brescia’s Halloween bash.

All in all, things were going really well, and my hopes kept soaring.

I Tried Hitting on my Mormon Friend

Really there’s nothing as short and sweet as this journal entry I forgot to add.

A little clarification: TVD is The Vampire Diaries

Thursday, September 20th, 2012 6:45am “A-Team” -Ed Sheeran

Hey there. So this week was homecoming week. I barely dressed up. I guess our team is making a comeback because our score is getting better! The dance is this Friday. I really hope someone will ask me.

I tried to completely avoid talking to Johnathan and Bailee because it’s not that I don’t miss them, it’s just hard that they are moving on. I can’t bring myself to tell them.

I want to grow out my hair again. I miss it. So I guess Taylor said he liked me, then he says it’s complicated. Ugh. Last weekend I went to debate camp at a college. It was boring except for the food. When we went camping it rained but it was super fun. We also had our Air force Parade. Last Sunday I painted the Freshmen windows with two other girls who were really sensitive. It was terrible.

TVD is coming back in October! I can not wait! Halloween should be in another month! Danny Brescia and his parents have the biggest parties. Hopefully I get invited. I have many hopes lately.

Wish me luck ❤

I think the reasoning behind why it was so complicated between me and Taylor is because his religion believes that he must either go on mission for his church after high school or get married and have a large family. Also, most of the kids that were mormon would date for the sole reason to get married and have children, not by feelings or for experience. Which explains why I was dragged to these dances where the kids would formal dance with each other and hope to find “the one” and why he took me to church, and why you never see a Mormon couple kiss or hear about them having sex unless they were converting out (If that’s what it’s called). I just really liked Taylor for who he was and wanted to be more than friends, and I guess I just didn’t understand everything behind his behavior. If I did, I don’t think I would have kept trying. After all, he was my soccer coach’s son and my teammates brother.

 

Worst Case Scenario: Someone Goes Deaf

Sometimes I hate reading some parts of my Journal because I know what’s going to happen next. I feel like one of those people who read the last few pages of their book first before they read. It’s like a fraud. You can wish that somehow when you reach those last pages again they are different, but reality hits. There’s no changing the truth.

Sunday October 14th, 2012 5:00 pm “Beauty & a Beat” – Justin Bieber

Last weekend was amazing! I had my last couple of practices. I’m really sad soccer’s over. We went to District’s Friday. We lost first, but went to Golden Corral afterward. They had Cotton Candy! Saturday night Grandma & Grandpa Marmon came and we went out to eat. We had a really good weekend. I missed school Monday which made my weekend a 5-day weekend! Monday Oct. 8th we went to Boise, and I got a-mazing clothes from my favorite store: American Eagle! We also went and saw Hotel Translyvania. Best day eva! This week was really fun. Sadly, Grandma & Grandpa left Friday morning. Wednesday night I went to a corn maze with Taylor, Abree, and a bunch of Football players. It was really fun! We played tag, raced, and scared each other. 🙂 Afterwards, we drank hot cocoa and ate donuts. Thursday I went to an acting workshop for Bugsy Malone. I’m thinking about trying out for Blousey Brown. Hopefully I get the part. Crossing my fingers.

Also Friday I watched the new season premiere of the Vampire Diaries! Saturday we went to Boise and ran some errands.. I wrote and finished “The Hitchhiker” for class. Now i just have to make the movie! Today was Mrs. Gilberts (our neighbor’s) funeral. It seemed like the whole town came. The rest of the day was really amazing. Johnathan muses me. A lot. But… So do I.

Wish me luck.

Unfortunately here are some spoiler’s:

My neighbor (Mrs. Gilbert) had cancer and died. Mr. Gilbert was caught with a blonde only a few weeks after she passed. We’d watch as she would leave his house and me and my mom knew that there had to have been chemistry there before his wife passed and he was just waiting till she actually died to start having her over and around his very young children. Just awful.

And I am a horrible singer. I am very tone deaf and sometimes my voice will squeak and falter when trying to hold a note. So, singing “Bugsy Malone”in front of classmates who could sing was probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.

The Airforce has a program called “Missoula Children’s Theater” and the Airforce kids like me would get to be a part of the play every year. Getting lead parts then as well as in grade school gave me the confidence to try out for Bugsy Malone but really, it crushed my confidence completely. I had no talent but I’m glad I didn’t keep trying to pursue something and embarrass myself further.

“Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all” – Sean-Paul Thomas

The Forgotten Blog

We’re only human. We forget things. But one thing we don’t want happening is people forgetting about us. Just a forgotten toy lost deep under old sweatshirts and yearbooks. Smelling stale and chewed up from moths that have reached the individual threads, unraveling them. And when we’re found again, it feels so so bittersweet. And then we’re put neatly back in our box to be forgotten again.

Sunday, September 30th, 2012 6:00pm “It’s Time” – Imagine Dragons 

Today I went to Boise with my Mom and brother and sister. I had the best day. I went to the mall and bought Tom’s Botas. They were $90! They will be perfect for Fall and Winter! Last weekend Kara came over and Sunday I went to Church with the Ogaard’s.

That’s right! I went inside a Mormon church, how crazy is that?

Monday I sprained my ankle in practice so I was hopping around all week like a bunny without it’s lucky foot. I missed two games! Yesterday was an away game. I played, but my ankle hurt afterward. After the mall today we ate and went to see “Paranorman”, a Tim Burton film. It was really good! I don’t school Thursday or Friday 🙂 ❤

I’ve started a blog. 🙂 I want to vent about things and have anonymous people understand and share advice.

When I read this I freaked out. I’m here writing one, and I was 14 years old and I already had a blog? So I did some research on the popular blog programs of 2012. Blogger was a big one so I went to Blogger.com and up popped my old blog! It must’ve recognized my Google email address. It sucks ass but here it is:

I literally cringed reading it. I said Fudge instead of Fuck online. Like, Alysa, there’s no Profanity Police online!

I hate when Johnathan would talk about Aerial Vineyard. “This hot girl”. He told me last night (after babysitting and earning $30) that he was getting me jealous because he was jealous of me moving on. Kinda stupid if you ask me.

Yassss girl. He was stupid. And from what I’ve heard from friends on the east coast, he’s still a fucktard. So here I’m a little proud of my strength that I’ve shown despite being alone. It’s good to do this.

Maybe we do this to ourselves when we look back on our memories, our journals. We forget ourselves. Maybe we spend so much time “finding ourselves” when really it’s up in a dusty attic waiting to be re-looked at. It’s really been there all along.

 

Putting Up with Missing Out

The very first moments in High school are a little scary. You may get turned down, you might lose a game or two and realize you’re really not as good at a sport than you thought you were. Sometimes you really just need to learn to love yourself instead of hoping everyone else will love you, but I didn’t know that.

Saturday September 1st, 2012 2:00 pm The Promise- When in Rome

It has been about a month since I had wrote. I have a lot to say. Soccer is going awesome yet, we lost all our games so far.

But the first weeks have been amazing! My favorite classes are French 1, Debate, and Earth Science, I can count now to a million in French!

My buds in NC are pretty good. There was a bomb threat at their school. Johnathan is doing cross country, track and swimming. I’m glad he can do what he loves without worrying about me.

I met Taylor Ogaard. He’s like my new best friend! And I like hanging out with Amber and Maritza. Our Chickens are so big! Last weekend, Thursday, I asked Jacob out to the “Movie Night” at the park. He was SO shy. Friday he told me he didn’t want to. I haven’t talked to him since.

The reason I chose “The Promise” by When in Rome is because it’s featured at the end of Napoleon Dynamite where Napoleon and Deb are playing Tetherball in the school yard. Taylor (who is very mormon and very overly confident in himself), loved the movie which I never saw and just had to watch. He’s also dressed up as Napoleon for school events (yes even the moon shoes!). And I thought I would hang out Jacob then because he was an Airforce Brat like I was, and I thought he would just… get it. Macy Holland is a great girl I knew in 5th grade that my friend Graham was in love with. But she continued to be a great friend. Kara was my mormon next-door neighbor and babysitter back in 4th and 5th grade.

Me, Taylor and Macy hung out and watched Transformers together instead. This week was fun. It’s a three day weekend and so Dad is taking us camping. It should be very fun because we are going to make Reese’s S’mores!

Did I tell you Kara is back? Coaching soccer! I guess I do miss Johnathan and everyone in NC. It’s so hard making friends here in high school. Maybe 100x more getting a boyfriend. I want to love someone. But I want not just someone but many to love me more.

Wish me luck.

Little ole Naive me. Things were so much better then. I had so much more love in my heart, where now it’s exhausting to put just an ounce of love out there. What hasn’t really changed I guess is how much I do miss my friends in NC and how it remains difficult to create long-lasting relationships as an adult. I had so much to learn, but yet, I’m learning from myself right now that I shouldn’t let the flame go out. I should search for more energy and love to give to those I care about now, because lately I’ve been dwindling.