A Fresh Start

Here we go. Freshly squeezed drama since starting my new life at Timberline. But will stuff from MHHS continue to haunt me?

November 3, 2014 10:00pm “Partition”- Beyonce

So much time has passed since I last wrote. I figure I should start writing again.

I’m looking back at the last page. I wrote, “This is my last chance at a better life”. This is true, but I always seem to forget. SInce joining Timberline I began joining the Perry’s for lunch, which ultimately stopped when they stopped inviting me, and I made new friends. I joined cheerleading at Timberline. They greeted me with open arms and football season went by in a blur of new uniforms, new cheer,s and long cold nights driving home. I’m sad I had to start over on JV, but it was for the best. I also joined several clubs and I’m thoroughly enjoying my CNA class that’ll get me an internship at a hospital my senior year!

“Cool Kids”- Echosmith

I’m making astounding new friends. Marina Montecchi [the Italian] foreign exchange student has introduced me to the hot French foreign exchange student Elliot. Me and Marina both are new to JV, both like running, and we have lunch together everyday with Bibi, Corena, or Hannah Knoll. I also love hanging out with Sierra and Krista, who got to hangout with my friend Taylor from MHHS. Me, Maritza, Jesus, and Victor still continue to bond and hangout.

I made the recent mistake of being FWB with Tyler McCall. It was fun… until I found out he was dating Kylee Teal. Yikes. But after tha things have gone smoothly despite having kissed Kai, AJ, and Jesus the same week!

“Paradise”-Tove Lo

Gosh, I’m not a slut, it’s just they kissed me because they missed me (Oh my god, I can’t believe I wrote this). The one guy I’ve met from T-line whom I like is Archey Charnou (Russian). There was Travis Grant, the hot B-ball player who was both a bore and a gay wad (I’m so sorry I said this). Seth Millington the thirsty slut, and now him. Yes, he is kinda a stoner and a Russian. But his 7 ft. structure and sweet, sensitive side is so attractive. I cam tell he’s into me as much as I’m into him (Nope, he really wasn’t). It’s perfect.

Halloween was a blast. We didn’t have school and I spent the night in Boise with Marina and me, Bibi, Sarah, & Mayte went to a theatre party! The Brescias also had a party that I went with Maritza. I was an angel and John Kenison showed up, Addie got upset after I made the winning shot at pong, and me and Mitza won 25$ to Smoky Mtn. for her slapping my face for slo mo video contest!

“Gooey”- Glass Animals

Basketball season is going to start soon and meanwhile I’m trying to bring my grades up before then, keep up on this new twitter account, lose weight again, maintain a social life in Mtn. Home AND Boise, and keep a good relationship with my parents because afterall my mom’s parents just got divorced (They didn’t, my grandma was just having an episode), and I never see my dad unless he’s yelling at me. I hate stretching myself too thin but Life sucks sometimes. I’m just going to try to make it through this semester alive.

Much Love ❤

Alysa

You can take the girl out of a shitty school, but you can’t take the shitty school out of the girl. I was a POS back here. I started a twitter account solely to get deets on the drama from my old school. It involved people DMing me rumors or the worst things, and I would tweet what they say, keep them anonymous. Some of the content was horrible. Calling others out, and explicit stuff. I eventually deleted it. But I can’t get rid of the guilt I felt with what I was doing.

I needed to change. I got a change of scenery with a new school and new friends, but if I continued on this path of being an absolute asshole, I’d never make it.

At Timberline, I had a chance to be kind and nice. This was it.

When life gives you lemons…

The Calm after the Storm

Remember in my last post where I said I had a stalker? Well, after I left MHHS, it got worse. I started getting long, long, handwritten letters from Jacob Danter. Let’s read em!

Monday, Sept. 1st 2014 11:30am “La La La”- Shakira

This weekend has gone by so slowly. It was kinda nice because I was unplugged from my phone and social medi. I was surprised to how much free time I have now. Friday my mom picke dme up from school early and we headed up to Featherville. Our cabin was huge and we had our own loft. The first night we roasted marshmellows and I ate so much! I decided to go to bed early. I haven’t cried this much before. My mom found out I’ve been having sex. It’s difficult because she wanted me to talk to her first about it? It was my decision and I don’t entirely regret it because it was great in the moment. It just sucks because I can’t take it back. I wish I did wait- for when I knew someone loved me. the next time I want to make the guy wait at least 8 months (Woah). If he’s worth it, he’ll wait.

“Boom Clap” Charlie XCX

I was digging through my room and found the ticket stub from when me and CJ went to see (Fault in our Stars), had tacos, and then went out to the reservoir. I feel gross inside. Just thinking about it, ya know? I’m lucky my parents are wiling to give me a fresh start.

Of course there’s Jacob that’s going to miss me. He’s friends with Koby. He’s kind of a pothead though. But he sure did like me a lot but I know for sure I don’t need anyone -or a guy in my life.

Here’s his notes; I wrote back of course, to be polite, but I didn’t have feelings for him. I had feelings for AJ- who I’m still waiting to hear an answer from for homecoming. Oh well, Good riddance, Mtn. Home.

“American Girl”‘- Bonnie McKee

He’s quite clingy..but he’s going to make one girl happy one day!

Dear Alysa,

Hey haha. How are you? Well I hope you are doing good and not stressing about stupid drama. And sorry about that, who knew talking to me would get rumors spread around. Anyway, you’re beautiful and stunning and I just felt like sharing that through a note because I am a helpless romantic. And I don’t know if you had noticed or not but I do fancy you and would absolutely love to take you on a date. Besides I still owe you a coffee. Anyway, have a good day. Sincerely, Jacob

Dear Alysa, 

Yes I fancy you. You’ve never hear that? It means that I like you. Like a crush on you. I fancy you. Anyway, you’re handwriting doesn’t suck. And Alysa you’re beautiful and amazing and I really like talking to you, and hanging out with you. And I don’t think you could beat me up. Just saying. We can go get coffee. Today if you want? I’m off so if you want to. I know I wouldn’t mind seeing you’re gorgeous face.

With love, Jacob. P.S. You are beautiful and stunning.

Dear Alysa, 

Hello, you’re beautiful, and I feel like I tell you that all the time. but it’s true. And I probably tell you it everyday just because. Anyway, I’m sitting at home thinking about you, like always (CREEPY). Oh well. So um you are awesome. And I like talking and hanging out with you. And I believe you owe me a kiss just sayin’ :). No, but really. I think you do owe me a one. And we will go out to get coffee or actually get dinner sometime, okay? We need to hangout just us sometime. We are never alone to just hangout and talk. Anyway, you’re beautiful, have a good day.

Yours truly, Jacob

Dear Alysa,

Hey well I’m sorry you got in trouble. It happens.. And I’m glad you like getting notes from me, it means a lot. 

So I’ve been meaning to talk to you. But we haven’t had time or other people we’re with us. And I’d rather not have everyone know I mean you could show them this note. I’d kinda hope you won’t though so I’m taking a chance. Anyway here goes…

I’ve got problems. I have been depressed. Idk if you’ve noticed my left arm, I’ve got scars and cuts, because I’ve cut myself… I am telling you this because I care about you and I like you and I don’t want to do anything to hurt you. Because you are special. And liek the finest person I’ve talked to on a personal level. But I hardly eat because I’m so sad and I don’t really sleep either. Sorry this is a lot I know but I have to get it off my chest. 

So anyway it all starts in late November of last year. There is this girl. Whose name doesn’t matter. Anyway we had started talking and hanging out. And she was currently engaged. Well one day I just kissed her and after that we’d just hangout and makeout (WHAT? WHY IS SAYING THIS?). Well, I fell in love with her. But we are gonna just forawrd to March. Her douchebag of a fiance left her the night before he went to basic. So we started actually dating, and like any normal couple had sex, anyway she had cancer so the doctors said she couldn’t have kids. So we weren’t worried. Anyway, she got pregnant. And I was depressed before this, anyway. It gave me a reason to wake up every morning. Well, in June she was getting cramps so she went to the hospital and the next day she told he she had a miscarriage. The same day she just stopped talking to me.

She just completely ignored me. And it sucks because not only did I lose the baby but also the girl I loved. And I still love her. And the beginning of this month I found out she is back with her ex-fiance. And it’s killing me inside because I have to see her at work. Sorry I know this is a lot but I had to tell you because I like you a lot but deep down I’m in love with her. So if you don’t want anything to do with me, I understand. All I’m asking is that you don’t tell everyone, or please don’t look at me different. Okay, well thank you, Alysa.

– Jacob P.S. Sorry for the long note/letter. but I felt like you should know… and I’m sorry.. but I do honestly like you. And you are beautiful. Okay write me back.

I haven’t said much about Kai but one night he came to my door at 3am to tell me he loved me (WTF). He was drunk af. And then he came to my window one night… awkward. This sounds pretty similar. I’m going to be honest, when CJ ignored me for a week, I ended dancing/dating/making out with Kai (BUT NOW HE STALKS). But I didn’t feel guilty because I did believe I deserved better than CJ. Me and CJ were never close- unless we were intimate with eachother. The first time we hung out- I broke curfew by 2 hours (SIGNS he wasn’t good for me), got too tipsy, and streaked around his house. And did a split nude. So obviously I should’ve learned off the bat he was trouble but I never listen to my head sometimes.

4th of July I met AJ at the park where we kissed for the first time, he wasn’t too bad.

“You & Me”- Disclosure

Obviously there’s going to be boys that are nothing but trouble- and some that actually good-but boring. The point is, I’m starting anew this week at Timberline. I might joining the Cheer team and start tumbling classes. I have to focus on myself. Improve my grades, improve my tumbling, go to counseling to work on my self-esteem, and get ready for my future. This is my last chance at a better life. I can’t mess this up. I’m scared but at the same time, I’m excited to flip the page and start this new chapter of my life. I’m ready to leave the drama, bullshit, and trouble behind. Wish me luck ❤

-Alysa

I don’t think I spoke to Jacob or Kai after all this happened. I started walking in the right direction for myself and focusing on what really matters.

I’m proud of what I’ve had to overcome to get to here.

It takes a lot to make a change you need, but once it happens, you know your life will be better off.

 

New Year, Same Me

Oh my. I apologize that this entry is very long.

Friday, January 3rd, 2014 5:03pm “It Goes Like This” -Thomas Rhett

Happy New Year, Indeed. So, I would like to start off with a few resolutions.

2014 Resolutions

1. Find Love
2. Get more Friends
3. Lose Weight of Course, Goal: to be 110 lbs (That’s far too skinny!)
4. Change my hair
5. Get a tan
6. Get into a new type of music
7. Have awesome school spirit
8. Get awesome flexibility & jumps
9. Keep in contact with my friends
10. Keep up on my diary!

So much shit and drama has happened. November came and went like a freaking tornado. So we hold our new cheer tryouts and most the girls suck, but we’ll have to teach them of course.

There’s two new guys that made the team. Grant is one, I’ve known him from last year. He went to Prom with a girl that’s friends with Mitza and he was nominated as Prom King. It was kind of a shocker seeing him here but I paid no attention because most of the JV were drooling and couldn’t keep their eyes off him. Yeah, he’s good looking and older, and has a six-pack, but he seems kinda awkward.

So me and Grant had a thing. He was cute. But he wasn’t a virgin. He also made weird noises and had a thing for rare and tecno music. He was a toddler in an 18-year-old body. Long-story short we had a thing. Then I went from Grant to not having a thing with anyone for awhile. In the Spring things began to change.

Friday, August 29th, 2014 5:00 pm “Sunny and 75”- Joe Nichols

Jessica Miller became cheer coach and began causing many problems for Varsity and the parents. To the point that Addie decided to quit because she broke her finger at competition. Addie began to be bullied at school and so both Addie and Peyton decided they were going to transfer to Timberline High School.

I began to make awful, stupid decisions following this realization that I wouldn’t have either Addie or Danny to look up to. After all, they didn’t drink (much), or let alone smoked.

“Strange emotion”-Jessy Lanza

Spring 2014 I got asked to Prom by Mario Pedroza. They guy who’s had a huge crush on me.

Prom was great. I borrowed Alicia’s black and white gown, I got my nails done with the Perry’s, and I got my makeup done by Francis Raddatz, and my hair was done “Texas-style” at the Reflections salon. Weeks before I prepared my skin by going to the tanning salon everyday by my house. I looked hot!

The Night was perfect. We got pictures done at the park with Danny & Addie, then Mario drove us away in a mustang. Dinner was a surprise: olive Garden. Only, it was packed, so we went to this super good indian restuarant and ordered curry. Of course my phone had to die.

“Sensual” -TVA

Afterwards, I got to try Dutch Bros for the first time as desert. Then we went to Prom. It was a blast. We danced, we grinded, and we flipped! Mario was a great date tbh. There was only a little drama with Danny & Addie but that was all.

Winter-Spring I had gotten super close with Dakota Tristan. He was my military bestie in Mederios’s weight-training class. We did a lot of fun stuff. We played basketball on base, we went streaking on base, and we talked all the time. He’s the reason I got to meet CJ. I’ll talk about him later. But he eventually moved, making me pretty upset.

“Canon Blue” – Honeysuckle

My birthday came around. My parents took me to get sushi and the Jumptime. I got my first iPhone! I’ve never had a smartphone so it was weird getting something so different.

After I got a new phone I started hanging out with Sam, Tristan, William, and Tucker. I went to bonfires, and snuck out to parties.

This one night was the first night I snuck out. I filled a bag full of Bicardi, Malibu [my favorite], and Jamiacan Rum. I popped the screen out and met the boys at their car in the park. We took shots, played games, took drunk selfies, and played stip Poker. It was all very stupid because I couldn’t control myself.

“Crickets” -Drop City Yacht Club

I liked Sam at the time and when everyone went to sleep I fell asleep (or tried to because he snores) on Sam and then we both woke up and slept in Tristan’s room. Only we wouldn’t fall asleep so we madeout. It was great. ….. And then he told Jack and then his friends all knew. Before I knew it, Sam was bragging. Worst part was I found out he had a GF the next day. Me and Sam didn’t have a thing again.

I started to like AJ Daniels about the same time Nick Dealey began to date Alexis Juarez! I had to start tutoring (AJ) in Geometry (seriously?!). Of course rumors spread that I was bribing him to take me to prom so he never asked.

“Latch”-Disclosure

Towards the end of school I had officially earned a spot on the Varsity Cheer Squad and me and Breanna Hatch began to hangout (This is where everything goes south). We drank at her boyfriend Michael’s house and even started a “Burn book” which I had to get rid of (She absolutely brought the worst out of me).

We didn’t hang out again until Summer Cheer practices started again.

I began to chill with Joey, Alex, and CJ in the beginning of the summer. Me and CJ began to hit it off. He was very cute. He was Native American. He had lost his mom, brother, and uncle a couple of years ago. I knew his sister was a senior. She did debate with me. We started going to the movies, and I broke curfew streaking and being a teenager with him (Not sure what that means, but nothing good). A couple of weeks later he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. We went boating, and when summer cheer practices started, I knew I was ready (Yep).

“All the Time” – Jeremiah

So, right before I went to my volunteer interview I went to his house and told him I was. I knew for a fact I loved him, but I wasn’t sure he loved me. It hurt. Bad. But then it got better and before I knew it my legs were all over. I’m not going to lie, it was an amazing experience and I’m glad I waited (I definitely should’ve waited longer). Then his sister came home so it was rushed. I could not walk.

“Or Nah”- Ty Dolla $ign

That Summer I had lost a lot of weight and ended up getting to be 108lbs (I was way to restrictive). That’s the lightest I’ve been.

I volunteered at the hospital, worked at Wendy’s, went to Summer practices and CSI Stunt clinics, and on my free time and when I wasn’t in trouble, I hung out with CJ. We even went to a cabin and hung out. Eventually we got in a huge fight.

It was due partly because a guy I had become friends with, Kai Corbette, had been falling for me and telling me that I deserved better than CJ.

Me and CJ ended up hooking up a last time at the reservoir, in the backseat of my car. It was fantastic.

“Over”-Tove Lo

I had felt like CJ didn’t show any true feelings. Just wanted to have sex (Doesn’t every horny 16-year-old boy?). And it frustrated me. Our fight showed a different version of CJ. He was pissed. Mostly because I had such a strong connection with Kai and not CJ. They were close to fighting but after a week of not hearing anything from CJ but that he had something important to tell me, we broke up. I was devastated.

I made out with Kai, AJ, I started working out. Me and Vegas (Justin Lawrence) started hanging out again after the incident in which Vegas, Josh Hutchins, and Alten came over while I was babysitting and Angelina fell on her head and I got in trouble. ( I was so dumb…Ugh)

“Ways to Go” – Grouplove

He owes me $15 because I made a bet that he would lose his virginity this summer because he believed he wouldn’t (I think this bet was just a ploy to get me to sleep with him). And then I went to cheer camp. And when CJ and I broke up, he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship but he had gotten back together with his ex Kassidee Palmer. I was happy that I had so much going on, I wasn’t that depressed. Cheer camp couldn’t always distract me from the photos they would put up though.

During Camp I made some dumb decisions. I stayed up 48 hours, ate a whole bag of almond joys (Binge-eating!), ruined my diet, and posted a Snapchat of me vaping with Casey. Only I didn’t know vaping was illegal (It was for my age). I was benched from performing the last day of camp.

“Ride”- SoMo

There was drama with sex (Our cheer coach Jessica Miller slept with one of the male cheerleaders), boyfriends (breaking up or cheating), and coaches.

I thought Addie had snitched on me so all the cheerleaders including me were texting her (AKA bullying, how awful is that??). She had nothing to do with it. Her sister(Peyton) was the one who showed my parents.

It sucked getting in trouble. During camp, Krystin and Tyler slept together, broke up, and then Breanna and Tyler had sex. There was also a huge dilemma with Breanna “apparently” giving both AJ Woodruff and Tyler Chlamydia.

I started doing even more stupid things. After camp I had hung out with Morgan, Hannah, Gabe, and Breanna.

“Stay High”- Tove Lo

They were the ones who got me to smoke pot for the first time. It was weird. I wanted that experience but at the same time it was stupid (IT WAS OUT OF A CAN, SO MANY CHEMICALS). I drove home and while I was high, I had to apologize to Addie for accusing her of snitching. She started crying because she was upset she didn’t have any friends because each time [due to cheer] she was thrown under the bus.

I was out of it and I felt really bad. That night I ate three bowls of cereal. By the end of the summer I think I gained 12 lbs.

Last few weeks (of summer) went by in a blur. I joined Link Crew and wore super high heels for the “Anti-fashion Show”. I smoked again with AJ Daniela and Deese and began catching feelings for AJ again.

“Undressed”- Kim Lesarion

I quit my job at Wendy’s and spent my money on highlights. I was so happy about them! First week of school was great and my cousin came to visit me that whole weekend with my uncle. We went to the back to school bash.

The last week I started to hangout with Koby Chaney (Who’s a dad now with Breanna Hatch!), a country boy who dated crazy Bridget Black. We went mudding once and ended up getting pulled over for having too may people in the car.

I got dunked a lot at the bash and that night we took our dunk tank to the Brescia’s and had a blast.

“Show Off”-SoMo

The next day we went to Boise and went to a festival, then we went shopping, then we had dinner at 10 Barrel, and then we went and saw “The Giver”. Got coffee and watched a concert, then we watched another movie at a park. Then we went and got our parents at a bar. I got in by telling the bouncer I left my purse inside (Oh my god!). My parents were so proud lol. And the  we drove them home. The next day we went boating, and wakeboarding and had a bunch of Shiok. I stayed home Monday so me and Maddie could get her a tattoo of the Lake Superior and eat at Barbacoa. We spent about $400! The week went by quickly.

“400 Lux”-Lorde

There were issue with me missing school on Monday so I couldn’t cheer at the assembly ( & Alyssa and Chris could not because of grades). My dumbass of a coach didn’t even talk to me and my mom and her had a screaming amtch because there was no reason I couldn’t cheer. I did it anyway, however. That day my mom left to Minnesota. My dad left Thursday. Sam and Tristan came over and we made pancakes. Of Course my brother and sister snitched on me later. Friday I took my mom’s car and lunch was the best! Breanna had a thing with Jacob. I shouldn’t have, but I told people my parent were out of town.

“Anything could Happen”- Ellie Goulding

So that night I worked out with Tristan and tried going to the football scrimmage but he was fighting with his GF [who is a complete slut]. Anyway, I guess I hung out with Koby, RJ, and Jacob for an hour and then came back to Cole, Cynthia, Luke, and Joe. They were going to go to Morgan Davis’s [a cheerleader’s party in Canyon creek]. I felt so left out because my parents made me spend the night at the Brescias. In the morning I went to the soccer game with Breanna and Jacob and then I went to go fishing with Catie Grodi, Danny, Catie’s mom, and Danny’s parents. It was a blast.

“Chimes”- Hudson Mohawke

That night we had dinner and watched Bounty Hunter at the Brescias. Breanna and her group were begging me to hand out to drink at Joe’s but I said no. They then asked if they could my house and I made the biggest mistake of saying yes.

So I went to bed. In the morning I went over to drop stuff off. Breanna came out and says “Me and Sam had sex”. I was so pissed. I went for a run, came back, showered, got dressed for church, and then made everyone breakfast, hoping the smell of bacon and eggs would wake them all the hell up and get them out of my house.

“Bed Peace”- Jhene Aiko ft. Childish Gambino

So I went to church, came back, everyone was gone. But it was a mess. And Morgan and Breanna stole clothes.

That day I went to the fair with Danny and Karen. We played games and walked around. Then we went to Cracker Barrel and went home. My parents finally said I could sleep in my own bed that night. this was my only chance that I could sleep [not have sex] with a guy at the house. So I tried to get AJ to come over but he thought me and Jacob Danter had a thing but we don’t (he likes me, I don’t like him).

“Come with me Now”- KONGOS

But… he fell asleep on me.

The next couple days went by but when my mom got back Tuesday we had a huge talk. They found out about boys over. Then when they took my phone away, they found out about Breanna having sex in my parent’s room(From the angry texts I was sending her). They were so pissed. They also noticed my headrest was missing from when we fit 7 people in the bug when we went to lunch that day. I was in so much trouble. They drove all the wy to her Grandma’s to have words with her. The next couple days I sulked. We hada meeting Thursday at Cheer where we tried clearing things up but there was just too much drama.

“One Love”- Bob Marley

That night me and my parents had a long discussion and decided I would no longer be doing Cheer at MHHS. I was so devastated. I’ve met rock bottom. I’ve lost the trust from my parents, siblings, and even the Brescias. It killed me inside when Karen told me “I’ve thought you were better than that; you’ve lost our trust”. I couldn’t bear quitting cheer and switching to Boise Cheer while going to MHHS. I knew I would continue to have problems and hangout with bad people like Breanna if I went here. And so it came into consideration that I should switch schools. I haven’t cried this much in my whole life.

“Maps”-Maroon 5

I had to choose. For sure I wasn’t cheering again at MH. Which sucked because our first football game was this Friday. We talked to the Perry’s and they said Timberline is very nice, everyone is nicer, and it’s better than MH, you won’t regret it. And if I go, I should do the Idaho Cheer Prep Team that would practice Tuesdays and Thursdays and I could commute with Addie & Peyton, Grayson Dickens, and my mom. I know switching schools won’t keep me from running into those bad kids but a little bit of counseling for my low self-esteem should help. I have a hard time saying no, and it’s because I try so hard to be liked by everyone so I fit in. But it’s caused me  to put friends before family.

“Break Free”- Ariana Grande

So I stayed home from school Thursday and checked out Timberline High. It was huge. They had outstanding Career/College Counseling, Teachers, and clubs. Their CNA program would have me start a whole semester early! I thought Timberline was right for me. So we signed up and the enxt day everyone was in shock I was leaving MHHS. I was a little sad and a little happy. I could still go to Prom and Homecoming if someone asked me. But I need this fresh start. If something doesn’t change, I could be homeschooled and not even do cheer. Going to this school would mean working even harder at school and focusing on being a better cheerleader. If I’m going to cheer for college I need to get better on this team, not jsut some lame highschool team. If the Varsity team wants me next year, however, I’ll consider it.

“Trumpets” -Jason Derulo

Now that I should be officially enrolled in Timberline, I should stay on track, out of trouble, and remember to focus on my foals.
Forget the boys, sex, drugs, alcohol, parties, popularity.

I have a future. I’m worth it. I’m going to UMD for Health Services (not necessarily). I’m going to be a UMD Cheerleader.  I won’t let anything in my way now. I owe this to myself, my family, true friends, and neighbors. ❤

I wrote this when I looked back on how CJ affected me:

I do it to myself. 

That thing where you beleive it will all work out in the end and live happily ever after.

I want to believe I wanted it, but in reality I’m just trying to cope and tell myself that to hide the fact that what he did to me wasn’t entirely me. He coaxed me and told me to do things I didn’t want to do or what I knew wasn’t right. Maybe I was afraid of him not “loving me” or maybe was afraid of what he would do to me if I said. “No”.

He was a messed up person. How do I know? He messed me up inside.

I let myself go during this short period of my life. I tried to be someone I wasn’t, and it led to destroying me.

My Promiscuous act led to two stalkers. Jacob Danter and Kai Corbette. Both were obsessed with making sure I texted them back quickly and would show up unannounced.

There are regrets that I have from this time, but I think it’s important to remember that everything happens for a reason. I’m glad I went to Timberline and my life changed from these mistakes. These needed to happen here in order for me to become the person I am today.

Never forget that your mistakes have more than one purpose. To teach and to change your life. Own them, embrace them.

To 2020 approaching soon… I’m ready for it.